Have you ever watched the show Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry? The show is wonderfully terrifying and I relate to it. It really resonates with me. I have empathy for these people. Why? Well, because when I got married, I had NO idea what I was getting myself into.
–I married a salsa snob.–
Seriously, feel my pain. I had no idea know how much salsa would become a part of my life. I was content eating Tostitos salsa, Old El Paso, whatever the deli was selling, whatever resembled salsa. Seth? No way. Bringing home Tostitos salsa, in my house, is a mistake. We don’t go there. I once sent Seth to the store to get Old El Paso for a recipe and he came back with tomatoes and onions (ingredients he saw on the jar’s label), expecting me to make it from scratch. He does this a lot. #thisismylife.
We happily found salsa at Publix when we were living in Florida but after we moved, the salsa found us. It was at a friendly booth at our local farmers market. The Salsa Place, they call it. It is all salsa should ever be. Different kinds, too. Mango salsa, original, PINEAPPLE salsa. All as dreamy as they sound. But then we realized, we’re MOVING. No more beautiful Salsa Place. So we decided to start experimenting on our own and in modifying other recipes (Ree Drummond’s was the best base) we’ve finally been able to make something magical. Good news — I’m sharing it with you. You’re welcome.
Two 10-ounce cans of Rotel, lightly drained (original)
One 28-ounce can whole tomatoes with juice (I drained it a bit to avoid too much of a tomato taste)
3/4 to 1 cup fresh cilantro leaves (or a tad more to taste)
1/2 cup chopped onions
2 1/2 cloves garlic, minced
1 whole jalapeno, quartered and sliced thin, with seeds and membrane (picture below)
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt (or more to taste)
1/2 teaspoon sugar
A pinch of ground pepper
2 1/2-3 whole limes, juiced (pick limes that feel heavy for their size)
Optional- a dash of hot sauce, diced habanero (depends on how hot you want it)
Combine the diced tomatoes, whole tomatoes, cilantro, onions, garlic, jalapeno, cumin, salt, sugar, pepper, and lime juice in a blender or food processor. This batch makes about 12-15 servings so I would use a 12 to 13 cup food processor. You could also mix all of your ingredients in a big BIG bowl and process it in batches.
Pulse until it’s the consistency that tickles your fancy. We like it restaurant-style (not chunky at all). Taste test with your Tortilla chip (lime Tostitos are my favorite) and add extra ingredients as you see fit. I sometimes need to add a dash more salt or lime. Play with the recipe to make it your own. Be adventurous, take chances, this could be YOUR baby.
Refrigerate the salsa for an hour, but we’ll only make you wait an hour before you devour this goodness in one sitting. By yourself. We don’t judge.